ET-052: A conversation with Ms. Kara Payton
ET-052: A conversation with Ms. Kara Payton
with your host Wayne Brown on June 20, 2023
with your host Wayne Brown on June 20, 2023
Episode notes: A conversation with Ms. Kara Payton
Hello and welcome to the ET Project. I’m your host, Wayne Brown, and as usual, we’re delighted to be delivering this podcast for executive talent all over the world whom we’re affectionately referring to as Team ET.
Today we’re off to a location where we haven’t been before, and that’s Kansas City, which is pretty much on the border of two USA states, Missouri and Kansas. And we are heading there to visit our guest, Ms. Kara Payton.
Ms. Payton is an author, motivational speaker, authenticity strategist and subconscious reprogramming expert. She’s a top 10 ranked podcast host with five years’ experience in advanced production and volunteer team building for Tony Robbins.
As the host of the Happiness Habit Podcast and founder of Re-authenticated, she helps people create an identity of freedom through authenticity, so you can end self-abandonment, heal your nervous system of emotional addictions and stop keeping the secret of you.
Here is an extract from our conversation as we start to get into it…
… Absolutely, a very long road of unhappiness, actually. [laughter] Like many. And I had… I was chasing approval, constantly chasing the things, I was spending my life, assigning check boxes to various things I would see in life. I was an absolutely miserably depressed, anxious, unhealthy and unhappy person. And eventually I learned this observation of other people and modeling what they do.
I would find people that I would assume were very happy, and I would look on the outside in and I’d say, “Okay, well, they have this, and they’re doing this, and they have this, and they’re doing this…”
Today’s Guest: MS. KARA PAYTON
Kara’s workbook Re-authenticated, a revolutionary re-transformational guide to personal freedom and confidence is releasing on Amazon this autumn or fall. She’s a sought afterthought leader specializing in intensive transformation in the behavioral health field. Her expertise has been featured in the Kansas City Star, FOX 4, KCTV5, Mental Health News Radio Network, Rumble, Voyage and Authority Magazine.
Known as the authenticity anti-hero, she helps people overcome anxiety and self-doubt to increase their income, productivity and confidence. So in my own words, I would say she’s about finding happiness for her clients. And she does this through the integration of neurological programming, physiological immersion and spiritual practices to present a revolutionary, fully immersive approach to the world of mental and emotional wellness.
So, in other words, we’re talking about a holistic approach, looking at both mind and body, looking at thoughts and emotions. Kara’s focus is very much about finding ways to create happiness for her clients, and her byline is, become the happiest person you know. So, in my own words, the power of this statement for me lies in its simplicity.
Final words from Kara:
“I’ve given this quote a thousand times. For some reason with men women struggling with illness, for some reason, getting emotional right now. Don’t quit. Do not quit. Your energy creates your outcome. And if you can dare if you can dare one more day. If you can give yourself one more hour. If you could give yourself one more minute I came from that.
I know what the trench looks like. I know what the trench feels like. If you can give yourself another day where it’s like, I’m just not going to quit today, you’ll notice that tomorrow is I’m just not going to quit tomorrow either. And eventually every single day that you choose not to quit and you maybe just stick it out and trust that you will find a way, your subconscious mind goes to work and it gives you plans and it gives you ideas to make tomorrow a little bit easier.
You don’t need to know how to take the first step. You don’t. You just need to do it. If you can take one step, the information in the first step prepares you for the second one. And the information in the second one prepares you for the third one. If you can just get yourself at the very just core, that grit. If you can develop just a little bit of grit to take one step into the arena, the rest will happen. Just don’t quit…”
0:00:00.0 Wayne Brown: Hello, I’m your host, Wayne Brown, and welcome to The ET Project. We’re delighted to be delivering this podcast for executive talent all over the world, and we’re affectionately referring to as Team ET. Today we’re off to a location where we haven’t been before, and that’s Kansas City, which is pretty much on the border of two USA states, Missouri and Kansas. And we are heading there to visit our guest, Ms. Kara Payton. Ms. Payton is an author, motivational speaker, authenticity strategist and subconscious reprogramming expert. She’s a top 10 ranked podcast host with five years experience in advanced production and volunteer team building for Tony Robbins.
0:00:41.1 WB: As the host of the Happiness Habit Podcast and founder of Re-authenticated, she helps people create an identity of freedom through authenticity, so you can end self abandonment, heal your nervous system of emotional addictions and stop keeping the secret of you.
0:00:57.9 WB: Her workbook Re-authenticated, a revolutionary re-transformational guide to personal freedom and confidence is releasing on Amazon this autumn or fall. She’s a sought afterthought leader specializing in intensive transformation in the behavioral health field. Her expertise has been featured in the Kansas City Star, FOX 4, KCTV5, Mental Health News Radio Network, Rumble, Voyage and Authority Magazine.
0:01:27.2 WB: Known as the authenticity anti-hero, she helps people overcome anxiety and self-doubt to increase their income, productivity and confidence. So in my own words, I would say she’s about finding happiness for her clients. And she does this through the integration of neurological programming, physiological immersion and spiritual practices to present a revolutionary, fully immersive approach to the world of mental and emotional wellness.
0:01:56.9 WB: So in other words, we’re talking about a holistic approach, looking at both mind and body, looking at thoughts and emotions. Kara’s focus is very much about finding ways to create happiness for her clients, and her byline is, become the happiest person you know. So in my own words, the power of this statement for me lies in its simplicity. With that Team ET, brace yourself for another great conversation this time with our guest, Ms. Kara Payton in this episode titled, Become the Happiest Person You Know Through Your Mind and Body.
0:02:35.8 Speaker 2: Welcome to the ET Project, a podcast for those executive talents determined to release their true potential and create an impact. Join our veteran coach and mentor, Wayne Brown as we unpack an exciting future together.
0:02:53.4 WB: Alright. Well, welcome Team ET, great to have you here for yet another week and I’d like to extend that welcome immediately to our guest, Kara Payton. Kara, great that you’ve been able to join us on the ET Project. Thank you.
0:03:06.3 Kara Payton: Thank you for having me it’s an honor to be here.
0:03:08.2 WB: Team ET, we’re going to be talking a lot today about the topic of happiness. The Kara’s focus is very much on finding happiness for her clients. And you have a really good… I don’t know if you call it slogan or a marketing statement or whatever you call it, but it’s… You say, “Become the happiest person you know.” I like that. I think that’s something to really hang your hat on and say, “If I can achieve that, then I must be doing okay.” I’m wondering, is there any backstory that really got you interested or started on this whole wellbeing and happiness journey?
0:03:49.7 KP: Absolutely, a very long road of unhappiness, actually. [laughter] Like many. And I had… I was chasing approval, constantly chasing the things, I was spending my life, assigning check boxes to various things I would see in life. I was an absolutely miserably depressed, anxious, unhealthy and unhappy person. And eventually I learned this observation of other people and modeling what they do. I would find people that I would assume were very happy, and I would look on the outside in and I’d say, “Okay, well, they have this, and they’re doing this, and they have this, and they’re doing this.” So I started to adopt check boxes for my own life based on these quick assumptions that, “Okay, I feel like they’re happy, so I’m gonna start copying what they do.” And I ended up with the big house and the six figures in the bank and the fancy Mercedes with the good looking outsides of everything and making sure I had the best clothes and all of… And even had the white picket fence.
0:04:58.0 KP: And then I realized I get to the top of this existential summit and understand, “Oh my God, I’m still not happy.” I did all of these things. I checked off all of these boxes. There’s no other boxes to check, but inside I’m still this miserable person. And so I started to really unfold and come unraveled that, “Oh my gosh, something’s wrong with me. It’s me, I’m the odd man, I’ve done everything that they did and I’m not happy.” And I remember walking into my house one day and feeling like I’d walked into a stranger’s house. I had that unfamiliar feeling that I wasn’t where I was supposed to be when I walked in and looked around and I could… With my brain, I could process, “No, this is my house. That’s my living room, that’s my kitchen, that’s my couch, that’s… I hung those pictures on the wall,” but I was just out of my body.
0:05:54.8 KP: And in that moment, I just panicked ’cause I didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t feel like I was where I was, and the first reaction was I just audibly shouted out to the universe, or God, or whatever I was ascribing to at the time, and said, “If this is all there is to life, let me… Please be happy with it. I just wanna be happy.”
0:06:16.6 KP: And then I had a pause in the moment and I said, “But if there isn’t… If this isn’t all there is, show me what I’m missing because I’m really unhappy.” And immediately after that, just these light bulb moments after light bulb moments started to download from me. And I sold everything I owned. I left my entire life. I moved to Japan for a month and took my eat, pray, love journey, we’ll call it. And there I found this method, I call it a re-authentication method, that I didn’t realize I was gonna start teaching to other people. This was just me in my journey to be less of a miserable wretch [chuckle] than I was before. And then fast forward to 2020, the conversations around anxiety, depression, emotional distress, all of it started to really reach a critical mass.
0:07:15.3 KP: And after saying that prayer coming back from Japan, I started working on volunteering for Tony Robbins and started touring the world just in that immersed in that state of mind. Pulled out after they offered me a star position that I could not accept, I was gonna have to be gone three weeks, two or three weeks out of the month. And I had three children. That’s where my path split there. But I started my own thing.
0:07:41.5 KP: And it involved instead of just mindsets and mantras, because I feel like that’s only 20% of the work, I started moving into the somatic and the body and the nervous system, the things that are stored, trauma that’s stored, things that if you have these and they’re undealt with, mindset work doesn’t do anything. And I braided that in and started developing how I was going to fully heal ’cause I’d figured this out. But there was a lot of things that were in the way in my mind that I could not unpack without bringing my body on board.
0:08:14.1 KP: And then my brother-in-law in 2021, who was a combat veteran who suffered from PTSD, he ended his life suddenly and unexpectedly. He was going through therapy, he was in programs, he was doing the connectivity retreats with other veterans. He was doing all of the right things and he still lost his life. And it really started to bring the question like, “Kara, you went through this process where you were suicidal, you were miserable, you were very, very unhappy, you had a lot of childhood trauma, and you brought yourself into a place where I would consider myself completely whole authentic and happy. Is there a way that this can be copy pasted, that I can give this to other people, deliver and teach this to other people?”
0:09:12.7 KP: And obviously, I need to get in the arena because if somebody like that had that much support, still decided, “I’m too exhausted to keep doing this,” then clearly there’s more in the world that is needed in the conversation of anxiety, depression, in authenticity, all of these things that I need to be start speaking. The wellness journey there became, it wasn’t just about me, it was about now taking this journey that I went through and figuring it a way to reverse engineer to where it’s now teachable, inward facing to outward facing.
0:09:49.0 KP: And that’s where it all began. The podcast started in 2020, and from there we’ve just been making it more and more accessible. And now it’s going to be a workbook that’s released September 1st on Amazon, where people can go through their own self transformation journey without the… Without access to therapy, without access to medication, without access to even really good support groups or something where they can dive into a self-inquiry process on their own.
0:10:20.5 WB: You mentioned at the beginning that you copied a lot of people or you explored and observed a lot of people to create your own authentic self. I remember when we first connected, you listed a whole draft of names that are famous names and you mentioned Tony Robbins, but there were a whole list of other people, and yet you found a solution yourself which was more holistic from what you’ve said, which is incredible and really commend you for it. I couldn’t help thinking while you were talking there, that I have a favorite movie called The Pursuit of Happiness. I dunno if you ever watched it. Will Smith was the star almost 20 years ago now.
0:11:03.3 WB: And we were doing a resilience program and they used this movie as one of the tools to make alignments between being resilient and seeking happiness. With everything you’ve identified, do you have anything that you define or the word happiness, is it too broad to put a definition around it? Or how do you approach the word itself?
0:11:31.7 KP: I love the word happiness and I know that a lot of people are like, “Oh, well happiness is fleeting, I prefer joy.” And that’s just the known default. And for me, I think that that’s a really clever way to just scrap the idea that we could ever be happy, that we could have it all, that we could find a state of mind that is good. I love that it’s broad and I love that it’s so broad that it invites everyone’s version. Even the people that say, “Well, I don’t really value happiness.”
0:12:05.8 KP: And I did value happiness. And I feel that most people that are unhappy value happiness greatly. But they use the excuse that, “Well, happiness is temporary. Happiness is conditional, happiness is useless. I want joy, I want something solid.” It’s like, “Well, that’s fine for you.” But most of the people that are unhappy in the world really just wanna feel happy. At the end of the day, that’s, we want to feel good, we want to be at peace. And so my definition of the word for happiness is authenticity. For me it’s, did I show up me today and whatever would, because even if I had a not good day, but I was authentically me and I didn’t start self abandoning or start chasing approval or seeking… I didn’t, people-please today, I didn’t try to climb somebody else’s mountain, right?
0:12:52.6 KP: Because as you were talking, my copying other people, I was trying to climb other people’s mountains. I was trying to win other people’s races. And I wasn’t thinking about who is this, this journey, this person, this me. Who is that? What does she want? What does she do? What is she? Who is she as a human being? And then finding my own mountain, my own path, my own journey. That for me was happiness. And we can say all day long, we don’t really value it, but ultimately we only do everything for the emotion we think we’re going to attain on the other side of it.
0:13:33.2 KP: And for most people that are miserable, depressed and anxious, anything is better than continuing on that path. And most of the time it’s due to, in a level of inauthenticity and a practice of self abandonment where they’re trying to do what everybody else is gonna do. And I think nothing more of the idea that stopping chasing approval and people pleasing and trying to win everybody else’s life, that inner peace that comes from letting go of all that, I can’t think of the happier future for anyone.
0:14:04.7 KP: And so I love the happiness is broad. I love that happiness is kind of triggering. It’s because that’s the rebellious world and way that I wish to question people is just like, no, happiness is super valuable. Happiness is amazingly valuable, and it just depends on how we start to create language around it individually.
0:14:26.0 WB: When I was preparing for our conversation, I was thinking back over my own studies around this area and if we wanted to, we could go all the way back to the Greeks, Socrates, Aristotle, sorry, Confucius, even Buddha, even Maslow with his hierarchy of needs was somehow talking about health and happiness within that hierarchy. And then if we come all the way forward to people like Seligman, and you talk about authentic happiness, Seligman’s very big on that topic himself and Barbara Fredrickson.
0:15:02.9 WB: My question around that is, as humans, we’ve been on this pursuit, if you like, for this happiness in our life. But if we look at where we are today, we’re so connected socially, at least, yet, mental illness is rapidly increasing worldwide. So what have we got wrong in this whole process? We’ve been pursuing it for an eternity, but it seems like, are we any closer to really establishing happiness in our life?
0:15:35.1 KP: I’m an optimist and I would say yes, but here’s the reason. Our inner being, that core voice, that small whispering side is not gone away. It has not gone away. It will never go away. And even though we’re in an age of information but a starvation of wisdom, an age of connection but starvation of intimacy, an age of fitting in, but a starvation of belonging, we have a duty to somehow find our way closer to that inner voice, to self-reference, that inner voice, and I think that as the pendulum swings into all of the ways that we are starving, it’s going to get louder. That language, people are gonna come into a pain leverage of about 51%. And that’s all anybody needs to create change. The lever’s just a little bit too painful. I can’t even… I can’t take it. Not another day, not another minute, not another second.
0:16:27.9 KP: And we reached that altered state. And in that state of confusion and anxiousness and exhaustion, we are at the cusp of a breakthrough, and I think that for individually and the collective, we’re about to have just this radical transformation in the human mind, the human psyche, the human spirit, the human heart, the human relationship, all of that. And I think that we will be forced, even by our own misery, by our own repetition of the things that do not work. We will end up spinning out. We’re gonna come unraveled at some point in our path of life. And that’s what’s always helped me to restore my faith in humanity is, yes, it is awful out there. There are some things that have reached just an ungodly amount of disrupt, disease, dysfunction, disorganization. It’s chaos out there. But if I choose to see, oh, the world’s going to hell.
0:17:26.3 KP: Oh my god, all of the language that people use about the world’s going in such a bad direction. It’s like, yes, and how amazing, because then we get to turn it. And we’re not humans at their core. We have to trust that the human core is designed for certain things. It’s designed for love and connection. It’s designed for authenticity. It’s designed… This is temporary. This is a temporary defeat, and this is part of the journey. And if we can use that and integrate the fact that both our shadows and our light, both are good and our bad are positive, are negative, are beautiful and are ugly, are designed as the whole, it’s supposed to be part of the picture. It gives us information.
0:18:11.1 KP: If we can lean into that, it’s just like it’s laws of physics at that point that if we lean into it, the weight will swing the other way. If we… The more that we continue to abandon that part and shelve that part and deny that part, that’s more inauthenticity. It’s denying of ourselves. And I mean, I’m assuming that anybody can guess what a constant sequestering of our most authentic pieces, our ugly pieces, our raw and unfiltered pieces, that creates a sense of internal chaos.
0:18:45.4 KP: And so I’m incredibly optimistic. I think that the world as a whole and individually will come into their own sense of internal questioning, of, hey, this isn’t working anymore. How can I slow down and figure this out? Because we could rinse and repeat every single day. We could continue to go to the job we hate. Continue to operate in the toxic and unhealthy family dynamic that we hate. We can move into a place of like, how little of myself can I filter out? How little of a version of me can I show up on social media and show the most inauthentic? We can smell inauthenticity. We know where it’s coming from and it repels us. Sometimes it even disgusts us, but it will lead us. It’s the same path. Nothing has strayed. Nothing has fallen apart. We are not lost in the wilderness. The human journey is designed to integrate both of these parts. We are still moving ahead. Nothing’s going awry, nothing’s coming off the rails.
0:19:50.0 KP: We’re still charging forward, just as we have and just as we will, it is the continuation. We’re going deeper. We’re going wider with every single expanse, every single generation. I would vet and debate anyone in the world that talks about this new generation of people that, oh, my gosh, I can’t believe how far we’ve come from the nuclear family and traditional values and all that. It’s like this is still part of it. These kids that are coming around today, their journey, their experience, their pains, their dreams, all of that, it’s still the constant evolution. We’re not devolving. We are learning ways that I honestly would credit social media and technology as being the biggest influences that are causing a lot of these pain points and we haven’t seen on the other side of it, but I truly believe that some of these kids with a generation of tech and lack of connection, they’re going to find the way and the answer.
0:20:52.1 KP: These kids have the pain point integrated of not being connected, not feeling fulfilled, feeling addicted to phones and dopamine and screens and being kind of a slave to this brain set. They have the answer because they’re the ones that are implanted with the most pain. And so these kids are going to be the very catalyst for the new… Long after we’re all gone, these kids charging the way forward, they’re going to find the solution and the answer. It’s the human design. We can’t do anything else but what we’re designed to do.
0:21:31.7 WB: I’m optimistic as well. I think we’re very resilient by nature as humans, and hopefully we do, as you say, find a way forward. One thing I am encouraged by is many countries today, the governments are now starting to enforce laws on companies to say that we need to take more responsibility as organizations for our wellness and well being of employees. I think that’s a step in the right direction as well.
0:22:00.4 WB: Let’s move on to the area that you really focus on in terms of your coaching that you do with your clients. And if I read from the script, says you help women overcome anxiety, overwhelm, and self doubt. All three are classified, I guess, as mental illness. And you help them on the opposite side of that, you help them find income, productivity, and confidence, though, I guess, in a word, happiness.
0:22:30.5 WB: If I was to come to you as a customer or client, and I was suffering with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed by a job, is there like a standard approach to how you would work with your clients from the starting point?
0:22:49.4 KP: Yes, actually, because I approach coaching very, very different. There is coaching protocol that’s common, where it’s the success person, the teacher or the coach stands kind of on the summit of a hill, and they toss down knowledge, and they say, here’s how I got to where I got. Follow this copy, paste, rinse and repeat, and you’ll end up in this place. And the problem with that is, even if they do succeed at attaining so and so, coaches, teachers, gurus, summit, it’s theirs. It’s not my clients summit, my clients dream life, my clients summit, my clients emotional desires may be totally different than mine. And so what a disservice that I would make them pay all of this money and invest all of this time and all of this trust only to reach where I got to.
0:23:43.5 KP: My desire is not for that. I am a coach who wants desperately to be fired. If you still need me after three months, I haven’t done my job and you haven’t done your work. We are creating a relationship with self where they can self reference, they can self advocate, they can stop self abandoning and turn inward. So my approach at first is we first, there’s the point, the purge and the promise. And in the point, we are developing the point of perception. We’re doing an audit. We are fully taking inventory on their language, their lens, their physiology, their patterns, their habits, their behaviors, their thoughts, their language, or their thoughts, their emotions, their behaviors, all of it. We’re taking everything, and we’re developing what is what I call their current point of personality.
0:24:36.0 KP: And from there, once we have that map, that point on the map that says, okay, beautiful. Now I know and can very intuitively assume what their day to day looks like, what their relationships might look like, the type of people that might come into their world, the type of job they might settle for, et cetera. And then we do the purge. We are taking the things from this that no longer serve us. We are accepting that that’s where we are. The audit and accept comes let next, and then we move on to appreciate. I appreciate that I have been here. I appreciate all of the things and pain points and struggles and the integration of this is not working for me. And I’m so grateful that it not working for me, has caused my inner voice to speak a little bit louder, to get me where I am now, to where I can actually be on this place in the map, ready to receive and change.
0:25:29.5 KP: And then we do the promise. Or after the purge, yes, we do the promise. And the promise is deciding, who do I get the privilege of being? Who do I want to be? What does that individual look like? How do they dress? How do they speak? How do they engage in relationships? How do they carry themselves? What do they want? Who they are. It all comes from who they are. And that determines what they’ll do. And so in there, the whole time, I’m weaving in a theme of, what do you think? What do you feel? What do you know? What will you do? And developing a relationship with themselves that is authentically, woven into a constant self referencing, self reframing, self advocacy, self transformation.
0:26:17.5 KP: So that with the end, the question that they came to me initially about their relationship, their question that they came to me, I’m not making any money, this now becomes, because they have such a solid build of this new identity, questions disappear. They know the answers. There are very few questions at the end of the three months like, okay, now from this authentic place, from you practicing to be this new human being, this new version of yourself, go back to the first question that you asked me when you wanted coaching, and it’s amazing. I have never, ever gotten somebody to the end of three months or six months or a year and had them turn around and go, anything else but just laughing. That was the catalyst. That was the pain point that brought them into coaching.
0:27:06.9 KP: Wow, that was such a huge existential life armageddon to me when I first brought it to you. And now it’s just you just go, you just do it. You just fix it. You just solve it. You just answer it. It’s incredible. So I build people that follow them, not follow me. And that’s been kind of the difference in my success rate, has been more successful because people actually they trust themselves. You’ll trust in me, of course, trust me along the way, but eventually you will trust yourself even more than me.
0:27:41.3 WB: When we first started talking, you mentioned about mind as well as body with the somatic approach. So with your coaching, you take this holistic perspective, I presume, looking at both thought as well as emotion, combining the two, which is what you said about yourself. How do you weave that into a typical coaching?
0:28:03.2 KP: That’s a great question. And sometimes it comes up in the very first step. Sometimes it comes up throughout the second step. Sometimes it even comes up, especially once we’re starting to scratch the surface on what this new person is going to look like. And so that’s woven entirely because logistically we will move through it. We’re going to walk through the process of thinking our way through, but that only does 20% of the work. And that’s where so much of the world gets really, really caught, is we’re trying to think through our problems. We’re trying to fix our problems with our mind. We’re trying to think about all of the different ways and we get stuck in the how and we’re stuck in the do and we’re thinking. And that’s masculine energy, doing, getting, achieving all of that stuff is that’s only 20% of the work.
0:28:53.0 KP: The rest of it says here’s order. If we even want to go philosophical with Jordan Peterson who talks about the balance between order and chaos, order, masculine energy, chaos, feminine energy. Order is our mind, our rules. And feminine energy is being receiving and just kind of the open door of all of it. We need both. And we’re solving our problems and coaching. We’re solving our mentality, we’re solving all of the other stuff with our mind only.
0:29:27.4 KP: And so it’s a valuable piece and I definitely use it. But when we come up against something where I’m feeling resistance from them, it involves my participation of understanding their body language and listening to the micro expressions that they’re coming up against some resistance here.
0:29:45.6 KP: There’s something that’s trying to create a barrier, something stuck in the subconscious that they’re not wanting to move any further. And so we stop. We take the whole program and we put it on pause and we deal with them specifically. Okay, let’s move through this emotion. There’s something here that in each individual step, something new is going to present. It’s an onion layer. We’re not learning more. We are unlearning. We are unpeeling and unpacking all of the stuff that’s gotten in the way of their most authentic core, which is kind of why people get in the mess. We start self abandoning at a very, very young age. And we go years and years and years of just now I’m going to abandon here because I want to be loved, I want to get this job, I want to find this relationship, I want to make this money, I want to whatever.
0:30:35.1 KP: And so we tack another layer that’s not us onto us while we sequester a piece of our authenticity in the closet. And over time we do this when we become a shell of ourselves while our true authentic self is screaming in the closet. And so throughout this process, I expect that we’re going to run into that theme of where do they self abandon here? Where do they take a piece of themselves? And so all of that, somatic, I do breath work, I do meditation. I essentially just bring them into a fold where we can go find that piece in the closet. We’re just trying to go find a piece of themselves that they had left behind and that breaking of what was inauthentic, what was learned that was inaccurate about them, the breaking off of that, and the integration of the piece of their authenticity back. It’s each individual moment where we find a breakthrough.
0:31:29.1 KP: I call them breakthrough sessions or re-authentication sessions, is they’re powerful and they really kind of supercharge their next level in their journey. So they’re absolutely imperative to go through the process. And it’s my favorite part of the entire journey.
0:31:45.4 WB: And I can imagine as a coach myself, you have to be very much present in the moment as the coach to identify those times because normally they’re unsaid, they’re things that you are observing rather than hearing. So I can imagine it takes some practice, takes some skill to be able to pick up on that. I know that you have your own podcast, or The Happiness Habit. One of the things I love about being a host with my podcast is meeting interesting people just like you.
0:32:21.6 WB: And I’m wondering, is there anything that with your guests you’ve learned over the couple of years that the podcast have been running, that’s really reinforced the practices that you do? Like with the guests coming on board, is there things that you’re hearing from them that is eye opening to the point where it’s almost validation of what you’re doing?
0:32:50.1 KP: Yes. And there’s an observation that has been really and it may be just, I did an intensive book study on the principles that Napoleon Hill speaks of. I’ve noticed that all of the guests that I’ve had, they have a degree of ownership. Ownership of themselves, ownership of their journey, ownership of their pain points, ownership of their failures, ownership of their success, and ownership of every single part of the process that has led them there.
0:33:20.8 KP: There’s no piece that has been left off table, off mic, off record. They are very much all in. And that all in mentality is one of the first principles of Napoleon Hills in his Think and Grow Rich book. And I haven’t dove into lots of success as deep as I have think and grow rich. But I imagine there’s a lot of parallel principles and every single time I’m watching somebody talk, I’m listening, I’m going, that’s the principle of decision, that’s the principle of desire, that’s the principle of faith, that’s the principle of persistence.
0:33:56.6 KP: There’s no exception on any of the things that my most successful guests have ever shared in an interview where I could not identify. There’s a Napoleon Hill principle at work behind that. Auto suggestion is a beautiful one. There’s so many people that have these mantras and daily, repetitive, repeated techniques and things that the habits that they’ve developed and I have yet to be proven wrong. I hope one day I’m proven wrong ’cause I love being wrong. But on the show, inevitably, every episode has contained some nugget of this is the calling card of why you’ve gotten to where you have, that paired with authentic ownership of self.
0:34:43.4 WB: Is there anyone in particular that you’re hoping to bring on your show that would be the dream guest based on the area that you’re involved in and whole mental illness topic? Is there anyone out there that really interests you that you have on your show?
0:35:00.5 KP: I do I have my dream list. I even have them written down as just a contacts to engage for the podcast and nothing… I’m not holding them on a pedestal but the absolute dream guest for me would be Jordan Peterson and then I absolutely just love and adore Lewis Howe’s. Marie Forleo, she mentored me for year in her B-School program and her Copy Cure program. I am a longtime Marie Forleo lover. I met her at Tony Robbins event and then of course the main dude after all of the years I would love to sit down and have a conversation with Tony Robbins.
0:35:35.0 WB: Yeah, I could imagine there’s a lot of people acknowledging and nodding their head in unison with you with all those people.
0:35:43.8 KP: Stand in line.
0:35:46.8 WB: Stand in line. Exactly. So what are you working on at the moment? Is there anything in the pipeline for you that’s keeping you busy?
0:35:56.5 KP: Yes, in fact the workbook I’m taking basically my life’s work, my life’s coaching work and while I can reach deeply one person with one on one coaching, I have a huge desire my world would be free of suicide if I could make it happen. And so I want to end suicide. Now to end suicide with 8.4 and growing people on the planet, I have one on one coaching as one human would be next to impossible to achieve. So I’m working on a workbook that takes everything that I would walk somebody through and puts it into a repeatable process that somebody can walk themselves through.
0:36:40.0 KP: If you want to call it an intense transformation journal, that’s what I’m working on. And it will be released on Amazon because as far as reaching 8.4 billion people, I can’t imagine that Amazon couldn’t do that. Nobody could do a better job than Amazon could.
0:36:55.7 KP: So that is where it’s supposed to be. And then I developed a daily breath work practice for somebody to tap into, wake up with clarity, energy, vitality and showing up every single day as a slightly more 1% more authentic version of themselves to create a life they love and that one’s free, that is @karapayton.com/daily. Anybody can do it. And even in their journey where they don’t quite know where to start or they haven’t started yet or they’re intimidated by the idea of really ripping off the band aid and going full both feet. This is a very good way for people who don’t want to do both feet but they just want to do one foot in, one foot out for a while and it slowly builds up this desire to be a more authentic version of themselves.
0:37:44.9 WB: What is your workbook called?
0:37:48.0 KP: It’s going to be called Re-authenticated a Self Transformation Guide to Personal Freedom.
0:37:54.3 WB: Okay. So we should look on Amazon around September for the release. Can you preorder the book?
0:38:03.7 KP: I am working on preorder, so yes, that should be available. I think I only want to do preorder. I’m going to give myself a couple of months. So mid summer should be preorder time.
0:38:13.7 WB: Well, I’m definitely in. I’m looking forward to the release. I hope to get an early copy, maybe autographed. [laughter] Kara, any final words that you would leave with our audience, regardless of whether they’re men, women that are suffering some form of mental illness at the moment and really struggling with life, anything that you would leave as a parting suggestion or comment?
0:38:45.5 KP: I’ve given this quote a thousand times. For some reason with men women struggling with illness, for some reason, getting emotional right now. Don’t quit. Do not quit. Your energy creates your outcome. And if you can dare if you can dare one more day. If you can give yourself one more hour. If you could give yourself one more minute I came from that. I know what the trench looks like. I know what the trench feels like. If you can give yourself another day where it’s like, I’m just not going to quit today, you’ll notice that tomorrow is I’m just not going to quit tomorrow either. And eventually every single day that you choose not to quit and you maybe just stick it out and trust that you will find a way, your subconscious mind goes to work and it gives you plans and it gives you ideas to make tomorrow a little bit easier.
0:39:38.6 KP: You don’t need to know how to take the first step. You don’t. You just need to do it. If you can take one step, the information in the first step prepares you for the second one. And the information in the second one prepares you for the third one. If you can just get yourself at the very just core, that grit. If you can develop just a little bit of grit to take one step into the arena, the rest will happen. Just don’t quit.
0:40:12.1 WB: So powerful. Where can people connect with you if they want to learn more about what you’re doing and the great things you’re achieving?
0:40:21.0 KP: Well, I would always say my website is a great place. I’m currently revamping it to be simplified and designed for more connection so people can connect to me easier. That’s just karapayton.com. But for those who actually want to develop a personal conversation, who want to see my horrendous sense of humor and me showing up as me, the only social media account that I use that I’m actually the one behind the phone is my Instagram account. And that’s the same name, Kara Payton, but it has a little underscore ’cause somebody took the name years ago.
0:40:55.1 WB: All right, we’ll make sure we link to those. So, Kara, great conversation, as expected. Thank you so much for being a guest with us on the ET Project. I’m sure our listeners have got so much out of our conversation and you’re a delight to have on the show. And thank you for making the time. Really appreciate it.
0:41:15.7 KP: Absolutely appreciate it. Thank you so much for asking me.
0:41:20.6 Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us on The ET Project, a show for executive talent development. Until next time, check out our site for free videos, eBooks, webinars and blogs @coaching4companies.com.