0:00:02.0 Wayne Brown: Hello. I’m your host, Wayne Brown, and welcome to the ET Project. We’re delighted to be delivering this live episode for executive talent all over the world, whom we’re affectionately referring to as team ET. And today, we are visiting the Longhorn State of Texas in the US and jumping between its capital Austin and the home of legendary sitcom character JR Ewing and the football team, the Cowboys. I refer, of course, to Dallas. And why are we here? Well, we’re chatting with Dr. Nicole D. Bradford. And who is Dr. Bradford? She’s a speaker, author, coach, and educator and founder of Maintain the Flame. Born with a passion for stoking the flame of purpose in everyone she meets, Dr. B believes the burn we have to be more is not one we should ignore. As a first generation college grad and the first Black woman to hold the title of Ms. Austin USA in the 1990s, Dr. B doesn’t believe we should live out the limiting scripts handed to us by other people.
0:01:03.4 WB: She’s an advocate for carving out a journey that’s aligned with our innate passions. Her philosophy is built on allowing what we love to lead the way. With more than two decades of experience in multiple leadership roles across all levels of education, Dr. Bradford is recognized as an industry thought leader and subject matter expert. She leverages her experiences to inspire, motivate, and challenge audiences to shift their thinking towards living their full authentic selves while making a positive impact on others. Her latest book was released last month in August and is called Your Soul Is Not For Sale. It’s a self-empowerment hand guide leading readers on a journey deeper into their unique truth. You’ll hear us discussing this book together with her earlier release, and then we dive into understanding the eight strategies behind the name of her business. So team, in this episode today, Dr. Bradford and I dive headlong into a discussion on ways that not only ignite, but maintain your passion and purpose for life. We hope you enjoy.
0:02:12.0 Speaker 2: Welcome to the ET Project. Join our veteran coach and mentor, Wayne Brown, as we unpack an exciting future together.
0:02:24.8 WB: Hello and welcome, team ET, to what promises to be another powerful episode of the ET Project. Today, we have the honor of chatting with Dr. Nicole D. Bradford, a visionary educator, inspiring author, and dynamic public speaker. Now, I’m probably gonna have to retract that because I don’t think you work as an educator anymore, Dr. Bradford, but we’ll come back to that. But before we jump into the conversation, team, allow me to ask you some questions. Have you ever wondered what it would take to ignite a lasting passion for life? Team, are you struggling to find the courage to take that crucial first step towards your dreams? And then finally, perhaps you’re seeking ways to remain authentic and resilient amidst the adversity that so many people are struggling with today. Today, Dr. Bradford, founder of Maintain the Flame is here to share her remarkable journey and address some of these questions as we delve into the themes of her two transformative books.
0:03:29.3 WB: The first one that was released, I think it was about 2018, was called One Step Is All It Takes. And then just recently, the latest book, My Soul Is Not For Sale. Now, we’re also going to be revealing eight strategies for maintaining the flame while you transition in your professional as well as your private life and look to achieve the life that you desire. So with all that said, team, the only thing that you need to do now is stay attentive and be ready to capture some great insights on topics such as mindset, accountability, and there’s going to be a whole raft of others, I’m sure, and Dr. Bradford and I will do our best to ignite your passion and purpose for life. So with all of that, Dr. Bradford, welcome to the ET project. Great to have you here with us. And how is everything over in Texas at the moment?
0:04:33.6 Dr. Bradford: It’s wonderful. It’s actually starting to cool down, so we’re feeling great, no longer in the triple digits, and we’re just enjoying our time here in the great state of Texas. But thank you so much for the opportunity to join you this morning.
0:04:39.8 WB: Look, it’s my pleasure. I’m looking forward to our conversation. I’m with a similar background in education, not so much directly as an educator of children like you and more the adult side from my side, but I’m sure we’re gonna have a great conversation around a whole raft of topics. Perhaps, if you don’t mind, if you could just start by telling our listeners a little bit about yourself, your family, your journey predominantly in education and public speaking, and then we’ll come up to where we are today.
0:05:10.5 DB: Yes. Well, again, I’m originally from Austin, Texas. I’m the youngest of six kids. My mother and father, unfortunately, was not able to graduate from high school, but they were very… They grew up very humble beginnings, but they were very successful in the end. And so they had six amazing children. They had five girls and one boy. And unfortunately, I was an oops baby, so I came in on the tail end and I was raised just with my sister right before me and myself. Growing up, unfortunately, I did have to witness domestic violence, and so I spend a lot of my time when I go out speaking to parents and students about the importance of your environment that you’re raised in, especially for our parents to understand that the decisions that they make, their actions, they all impact the child’s life eventually.
0:06:08.4 DB: And so the great part of all of that is they were able to reconcile and work out their differences. I did care for both of my parents the last three years of their lives as they transitioned, and so that was something that was very difficult for me because the people that was my cheerleader, the strong strength in my life, and then they… I had to watch them transition. But the great part was being able to support them and be there during the process. And so I think it was just back to back when life hits you with different situations. I lost my dad in 2021, my mom in 2022. 2023, I was told I had an endometrial cancer. And so that just tells us when you have to maintain your flame, because life is going to throw several hard times your way, but you have to find a way to be positive, find a way to reignite your flame and tell yourself, you know what? I’m going to make the most of my situation and live life to the fullest.
0:07:11.8 DB: And so as a result of that, you did mention I did write a book in 2018. I unfortunately lost my sister that I was raised with, the one right before me, unexpectedly. She was 48 at the time and she was preparing for her 50th birthday. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to make it, and so that’s what inspired me to write my book, One Step Is All It Takes, because we only get one opportunity. We all have dreams and desires and some of the things that we always wanted to do, but we put it all for later, but later may never come. So it just takes one step. And then, just recently in August, I’m so excited, my new book, My Soul Is Not For Sale, it talks about integrity and that’s a lot of my idea behind Maintain the Flame. Because when you’re young, you have all this energy and excitement, you’re so excited to get into the world, you don’t care who’s around you, you just love life.
0:08:11.5 DB: And then you start to become an adult and you start to look around, “Wait a minute, am I fitting in? Everyone may not like this outfit. No one’s doing what I’m doing.” And so we start to conform. And so the book just gives you strategies and ideas about the way you can hold onto your integrity, you can remain authentic and you can survive in some of the toxic environments, including the workplace, sometimes our relationships, and just in society in general. So my goal is just to connect with individuals, help them to reignite their flame for life and live an audaciously authentic life.
0:08:48.1 WB: Yeah. I love that expression, by the way. As I mentioned before we hit record, I have listened to a number of the podcasts, and you’re such a enthusiastic individual and it really comes across so beautifully. And that…
0:09:03.2 DB: Thank you.
0:09:05.5 WB: Expression, “audaciously authentic,” I wish I’d have come up with it.
0:09:08.3 DB: Oh, no. [laughter]
0:09:11.9 WB: I’m very sorry to hear about your parents and your sister. And you mentioned cancer yourself. Are you okay at the moment or…
0:09:21.2 DB: Yes, I am. I was able to have a surgery, a full hysterectomy. I do have to go back to my doctors to double check, but thank God, right now, everything’s fine.
0:09:33.2 WB: Okay. Well, that’s great news. I want to touch on the education side just a little. I heard somewhere that prior to doing what you’re doing now, you were considering changing your career in education to becoming more of an entrepreneur and starting your own school. How did that thought process or transition or desire to make that transition come about?
0:09:57.3 DB: Well, when I first began in the field of education, again, I’m a first generation college graduate, so no one in my family had gone to college. And my ultimate goal once I started was I wanted to go and open my own school. And so I had criminal justice and education as my majors as I entered college, but then when I was told you’d have to go back to Texas and get certified, I just focused on criminal justice and then came back and did the alternative certification route. But I was in the field of education. My career began on the collegiate campus, so I started out as a staff member. My ultimate goal in life was to be a college president before the age of 50. I was pretty ambitious. And so I was able to be a professor. I’ve been a department chair, and my last position was vice president of student services.
0:10:46.2 DB: Over the time, my mother always thought, “You need to be in education, Nicole, you need to be in the schools.” And I’m like, “No, that’s not for me. I wanna be a president.” She was like, “No, you need to really be around children.” Well, she was right. Of course, mothers do know best. And so I transitioned into K-12. I was able to be a teacher, special education resource teacher, an assistant principal and a campus principal. And so I’ve loved every moment. I have over two decades of experience in the field of education. It’s given me an opportunity to inspire others, to reconnect with the faculty members as well as the students. And so, yes, I’m still involved in the field of education, but I have this passion and desire to take my message all over the world, in the United States and internationally, because I think people need to be encouraged, not just now, every day, because we’re all struggling in some form or fashion. And we need to know, number one, you’re not alone, and number two, you have purpose and potential and it’s still inside of you. And so I just wanna be the individual to help reignite that flame for you to get excited about life again and pursue the things that genuinely make you happy.
0:12:05.9 WB: I’m sitting here just admiring how nicely, elegantly, perhaps, you speak. And I know public speaking is one of the things that you enjoy as well. How did you first get into the public speaking side of things?
0:12:19.1 DB: Well, believe it or not, I know a lot of people who’re like, “This is a really odd story,” but I grew up with very, very low self-esteem. I did not like myself at all. I was too dark, my hair was too short. All the boys liked the other girls and not me, and so I didn’t have a great time growing up, but I was always energetic. I had fun, I had friends. I was just always different. And so I went to college, and when I went to college at Grambling State University, I looked around and they had all these pageants there, and I was like, this is odd. So they had Miss Grambling, the Bayou Classic, Miss Criminal Justice. And so I believe once I transitioned to the campus, I began to evolve. And so I saw everyone around me and I was like, you know what? I think I’m gonna go home and try out for the Ms. Austin pageant. I don’t know where that idea came from, but I went out, I took a chance, I did the pageant the first time around. I did not win. I believe I made the top 10. And then the second time around, I was crowned the first African American to hold the title of Ms. Austin.
0:13:27.1 DB: And so that was great for me. I was excited. And then from there, I went on to compete for the Miss Texas pageant, and I just made the top 12 there. But that’s actually where I began public speaking, because as Ms. Austin, I had to go around and speak at graduations, at different events, and so it gave me the energy and the excitement that I needed to see. I love the way that people engage with me. I love the effect that words can have, the power that words have to inspire others in their lives. And so that’s something that I’ve always wanted to do. But it started in the late ’90s.
0:14:04.4 WB: You mentioned that you didn’t fit in or the boys didn’t like you. I saw a couple of pictures on your website, [chuckle] of your junior years, and I think you were on one of the [0:14:16.7] ____ or some beam or something.
0:14:20.5 DB: Yes.
0:14:21.4 WB: And you were doing your pose and you had the hairstyle and everything. I can imagine life was quite fun back then though.
0:14:31.9 DB: Yes. [laughter] It was pretty tough. I’d go in to order at McDonald’s and then I’ll stand in front of people, I’m so excited, I got my Michael Jackson curl going on, and I walk in there and they’re like, “May I help you, sir?” And I’m like, “No,” and I’m pulling on my ears, “I promise, I’m a girl.” And they’re like, “May I help you, sir?” And so that just hurt my self-esteem a little bit. But I was able to evolve. I began to love myself. I put in the work, I sought out help counseling, especially it’s very important coming out of an environment with domestic violence, because I had to understand that where you begin is not the way that you have to end. You have the ability to decide the life that you want to have. And that’s a part of Maintain the Flame. You get to design the life that you desire. And so I think over time, I was able to evolve. I’m able to help others, and I try to keep my flame lit so I’m able to help others reach the goals and desires that they have.
0:15:32.2 WB: In doing a little bit of preparation for our conversation, I noticed you talk a lot about your family, your husband, your three children. You sound like you have a very tightly… A very closely knit family environment.
0:15:49.0 DB: Oh, most definitely. My children are my everything. Very, very proud. Because when you come from a dysfunctional family environment, don’t get me wrong, I love my family. We were very close at the time, but there are some truths that have to be told. And I always try to stand in truth. And I know some people think, “Well, you’re not supposed to talk about your family life. That’s embarrassing.” But I believe that when you go through things, God allows you to go through that to help others. And so I was able to utilize the situations that I have to say, that’s not what I want for my kids. I want something different. And so I have three amazing children. I’ve tried to pour as much love and support as I can into them. We have so much fun together.
0:16:34.4 DB: My oldest is a teacher, she’s very successful. She graduated from Hampton University. She’s been a teacher for four years now. My son has graduated from Angelo State and he’s working on his master’s degree. His goal is to be a professional football player, wide receiver. And my youngest is in her junior year in college and she ran track for the longest. She got a track scholarship. So I think our family is… We’re well-rounded. We love to have fun. It’s always the five of us together, and I just hope that they understand… Sometimes you think that others… You help others to be inspired, but they keep me inspired each and every day.
0:17:19.2 WB: I’m feeling more comfortable with your family. You mentioned in your… Before getting married and having children, five daughters and one son. I was feeling for your father and your brother…
0:17:28.9 DB: Brother. [laughter]
0:17:30.6 WB: But at least in your family, you have more of a balance there, so it’s not too bad. So, very good. Let’s jump into the book, at least the first one, the, ‘One Step Is All It Takes,’ as a starting point. What was the inspiration to write the book? Was there a core message that you hoped that the readers would take from it?
0:17:54.2 DB: The message that I hope that the readers would take away is just that you still have life. As long as you have breath in your body, you have an opportunity to keep pushing forward, to make a difference in your life and to live life to the fullest. And so I came up with One Step Is All It Takes because it was around the time that I lost my sister. She was someone that lived life to the fullest, and of course, she was number five and I was number six, so of course, I admired her so much. But she was always happy. She was married at one time, but then became a single mother. But she was very, very successful. Retired very young, at 48 years old. Who can say that? Was able to purchase a home on her own, took very good care of her son, and she was such an inspiration in my life and I admired her so much. And so for myself, after losing her, “Nicole, it takes one step, one step to get up to go after your goals and dreams.” In the journal, I provide Bible verses for people to utilize. And so you’re able to journal with those bible verses so that you can make sure that you’re designing the life that you desire. But it takes one step for us to go in the direction that we desire instead of sitting back and allowing life to tell us what we deserve.
0:19:17.0 WB: I haven’t had the opportunity to read it. Normally, I love to read. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get a copy. But it sounds like, from what I’ve heard you talking about in other podcasts, it sounds like a great book. And you mentioned a 30-day period. What is that in relation to?
0:19:35.9 DB: Just the 30 days for everyone, you might wanna say, “I wanna change” or “I wanna work on a diet,” or “I’m thinking about coming up with a business, but I don’t have the courage to step out there.” So this just gives you 30 days, you go over your ideas. It kind of gives you some inspiration and motivation, and then hopefully it can catapult you to the direction that you’re going.
0:19:55.5 WB: I see. I can imagine there’ll be practical steps or exercises in the book that you recommend for readers.
0:20:03.6 DB: Yes. Yes.
0:20:03.8 WB: Is there anything that comes to mind in that regard?
0:20:08.1 DB: No, just mainly the Bible verses that you’re able to reflect upon the space that’s available for you to journal in the book, and then just little stories and excerpts that you can read as prompts.
0:20:20.1 WB: Okay. Hopefully, people will grab a copy of it. We’ll link to it in the show notes, of course. But your most recent book, August, I believe, ‘My Soul Is Not For Sale.’ The title, I love the title and I’m very interested to find out more about what’s in it. But from what I can gather just reading the summary on Amazon, etcetera, it talks about toxic work environments, power dynamics. What inspired you to go down this path and try and address these issues?
0:20:54.4 DB: Well, because experiences, life experiences. I think sometimes, again, we just hold a lot of things in. And if you’re going through it, it’s kind of like when we were in class, the teacher always said, “There are no stupid questions.” So if you’re thinking it, someone else has the question, they just don’t have the courage to say it. And so if I experienced it, someone else is out there in this world, they’re experiencing the exact same thing, be it in the workplace, in your relationships or in society in general. And so I just wanted to utilize not only some of my stories and experiences that I have encountered, but also in the book, we talk about different professionals in the fields of the airlines and other areas where they were whistleblowers and they had the courage to stand up for what was right.
0:21:43.4 DB: Because sometimes when you’re in a situation, the world may tell you, “No one’s saying anything. Come on, you’re weird. Why are you talking? You’re messing everything up.” But there are people that had courage before you and that was able to say, “This is not acceptable. It can either harm me or someone else, so I’m gonna stand up and I’m gonna speak out.” And so that’s the reason why I wrote the book, because we go into the workforce or we go into these relationships and we begin to compromise so much that we lose ourselves. And I’m not saying that compromise is a bad thing, but we have to stay grounded, and we must stay connected to our truth. And we have to understand that when we continue to give up so much, if it’s for a paycheck, if it’s for relationships, we tend to lose who we are on the inside. And the more we give up, you look in the mirror and you’re like, “Oh my gosh, who am I? I’m beginning to settle for things that I would never wanna settle,” or “I’m beginning to accept things that I would have never done this if I was in my 20s or my 30s,” or what have you.
0:22:47.9 DB: But some of us say, “Oh, I’m older now. I have nowhere else to go. I have to accept this.” And that’s not the truth. So in the book, I just talk to people. I just want you to take a clear look at yourself. Especially in our society, any and everything goes right now. And it’s sad because it’s so few of us that are willing to stand up and say, “That is not right. That is not acceptable.” We just go along to get along. So in the book, I just ask people to reflect, read the information. There are a lot of takeaways. I give you strategies that you can utilize to survive in the workplace. We all have to work, but there are strategies that you may use. One section is called L-Kids.
0:23:34.2 DB: And when I talk about L-Kids, it stands for little kids in big bodies, because we understand that we are all just little kids in big bodies. I always say that. And unfortunately, you’re going to encounter people in this world that had issues when they were smaller and younger, but they never dealt with those issues, so they become that bully in your life, in the workplace, or they become that narcissist in your life, in your relationship, or they become that toxic individual. So you need to learn how to deal with that individual. And there’s another section where I utilize FLUSH. And again, I refer to my sister, Felicia. She was the one right before me. Whenever I’d have fears or I’d be upset and I had problems, she would say, “You know, Nicole, when you get upset, I want you to take a piece of toilet paper and I want you to write down the things that make you angry, the things that you’re frustrated about. I want you to make sure you put in there your role in the situation. You review it, you reflect upon it, and then after you take accountability for what you’ve done, I want you to ball it up and I want you to flush it.”
0:24:43.5 DB: And FLUSH stands for, facing life’s uncomfortable situation and heal. And that’s her way of telling me to put it down on paper so you can see it, you can own it, you can reflect on it. You’re facing life’s uncomfortable situations, but now it’s time for you to heal so that you can move on. So I think My Soul Is Not For Sale is just my battle cry to get people to stand up in a world that’s so torn, that’s so divided, to know that love still conquers all. We can still hold onto our integrity, but you don’t have to sell out and you don’t have to sell your soul. You can be true to who you are and be audaciously authentic.
0:25:30.6 WB: I love that concept, FLUSH.
0:25:32.9 DB: Yes.
0:25:33.3 WB: I’m gonna have to investigate that further. You have one chapter, I believe, which is titled ‘Hush Money and Promoted Puppets.’
0:25:41.4 DB: Yes, yes.
0:25:42.0 WB: Could you speak to that a little bit as well?
0:25:43.3 DB: Yes.
0:25:43.4 WB: I think you’ve touched on it, but if you can go a little bit deeper.
0:25:47.3 DB: Oh, yes, sure. Well, we all know the hush money, and unfortunately, we may just think, “Oh, it’s just in politics and this is just so people can be quiet.” But when I thought about hush money, I thought about, in our lives, on a day-to-day basis. Because if you’re someone that speaks up for injustices in your workplace and you stand up and say, “I’m gonna set some boundaries in my relationships,” people may not like it. And so when you’re dealing in your workplace, some people think, “You know what? Hey, don’t say anything. We need our paycheck. We just got to accept it. We know it’s not right.” Or they’ll come to you in the break room, “Oh my goodness, you’re right. I can’t believe they’re doing that. That shouldn’t happen, but don’t say I said that.” And so you’re out there on your own, but that money you get on the first and the 15th, is that hush money for you to stay quiet? Is that your hush money for you to just sit there and accept the injustices and the incorrect things that’s going on? Or, are you someone that they promote because they know you’ll be quiet?
0:26:51.7 DB: You know what’s going on in the company. We don’t want you to say anything. We’ll give you this promotion if you just be quiet. So we just need to come together and a lot can happen if we begin to voice our opinions and most importantly hold people accountable. Hold people accountable in our jobs, in our lives, and in our communities.
0:27:15.3 WB: You talk about setting boundaries. Where does that fit in within the context of the storyline in the book?
0:27:25.9 DB: Well, setting boundaries is important everywhere because you have to say… Especially, I’ve been in education for so many years. In the book, I touch upon our teachers because being a fellow educator myself, I think teachers are nurturers. We give, give and give, but we don’t know how to set those healthy boundaries and say, “You know what? After 4 o’clock, I have a family I need to attend to.” But we still get those emails from parents that are getting off of work, and I need this call, I need this question answered. Again, I mentioned my baby is a teacher and so she’s worked all day, she’s put all her energy and love into the children, into her job and she’s exhausted after she’s commuted and then she still has parents that are like, “Okay, I need answers. I need answers.” And I try to remind her, you have to set those healthy boundaries; “I love you, I love your child. I check my email between these hours.” Because if you give, give, give, you’re not gonna have anything to give to yourself or your loved ones around you.
0:28:24.9 DB: And that’s the same way on our jobs, you can be in a high position. And I had to learn that the hard way. For me, I was vice president of student services on a college campus, but I had three little ones of my own. I needed to be there at their games. I needed to be there at their school performances. So if there was a program later on, someone’s gonna have to step in because it’s okay to be a woman, it’s okay to be a mother, and it’s okay to be a provider. But you must set those healthy boundaries so you can be successful on both fronts.
0:29:00.9 WB: Yeah, I really feel for teachers today. There’s so much expectation on their shoulders. Children have just gone back to school. At the moment of this recording, it’s day one of school where I am in Shanghai. The talk in the social media chat is all about, “Oh, thank goodness.” [chuckle] And this is by the parents, right?
0:29:22.1 DB: Yes. Yeah.
0:29:22.6 WB: Talking about the children going back to school. It’s like we’re so grateful for the teachers to take our children off our hands, but we don’t respect the teachers, to your point, and their own needs. So yeah, the book is described at least in the summary that I read as a battle cry for authenticity and resilience. Is there any example in the book where somebody’s upheld their integrity, say, or had diversity where they demonstrate this authenticity and this resilience?
0:29:57.8 DB: Oh, most definitely. And when we talk about the different corporate corporations, the different companies where individuals spoke up for what was right against all odds, I also share some of my stories. I’ve been a supervisor. I’ve been very blessed to be a supervisor since my late 20s, and so I’ve seen them and I’ve heard a lot. And so there are some things that make you… In the book, I talk about being invisible once you speak up because all the colleagues and friends and everyone you had when you were in that position, they’re fine until you start to rock the boat. And so they support you 110% on text and in the background, but at work, it’s like you disappear when you start to speak out.
0:30:44.7 DB: And so, how can we truly have a comfortable workplace if all voices don’t matter? And so we wanna make sure that individuals, when we’re in our environments, that we’re not just promoting people just for a face, but to let them know you have a face, we need your face, we need your presence, but we also need your ability to speak up so that we’re able to transform our working environments. But yes, I don’t wanna give away too many details, but yes, we have wonderful stories in there from myself and others, very courageous people that took a stand against all odds.
0:31:20.7 WB: Beautiful. So that’s a nice segue. So again, we’ll link to the books in the notes. So please, if you’re listening and you have an interest, I know I’m very interested to go out and get the books. Please, look at the show notes. We’ll have the links in there. Let’s turn our attention to your business, Maintain the Flame. What led you to create the business? I know we’ve touched on this a little bit, but maybe if you can just recap on what led you to create the business and how would you refer to the core mission that you’re all about with this business?
0:31:53.9 DB: Well, I’ve always been a people person. As I was younger in high school, I loved people, everyone. I lived on the east side of Austin, Texas, and I was bused to the other side of town. I loved all individuals. I was the most friendly senior, homecoming queen, all the great things. And so I always wanted to be someone that made people happy. I wanted to see people smile. And so I know that life can beat us down. If it’s going through a divorce, if it’s losing a child, losing a parent, losing a job, there’s so many things that can just suck the life out of you. And so I wanted to create a company that helps you revisit the dream, the desire that you had inside of you since you were younger. It was placed there for a reason. And so instead of us just going through life as robots, “Oh yeah, I’m gonna drive… ”
0:32:46.8 DB: You can drive your route with your eyes closed, sit down and do your job with your eyes closed and go home. But is that truly living? And so I just wanted to encourage others to reignite that flame, think about the gifts that you have inside of you that you always wanted to pursue, and go after it. If you’re an adult and you’ve put your children through school and you always wanted to go to school, now is the time. If you’re an adult or you’re younger and you’re like, “I wanna be the first millionaire in my family,” now is the time to put those steps in place. But the most important part is, with Maintain the Flame, you have to maintain that flame. Because it’s easy to start and then you start getting hit from right to left. Life starts. “Okay, I’m gonna start this company. It’s gonna be so successful. I’m gonna save a million dollars and I’m gonna be the first millionaire in my family.”
0:33:39.3 DB: And then something happens and you have to spend all your money that you save. And so you’re like, “Well, maybe it’s not meant for me to be the first millionaire.” We can’t give up after the first time. We have to maintain the flame for life. And so I’ve come up with an acronym out of the eight letters of maintain. It’s just some strategies that people can utilize to continue to maintain their flame for life.
0:34:04.8 WB: Can I be the student for the moment and try and recall [chuckle] the eight strategy, right?
0:34:12.7 DB: Yes.
0:34:13.7 WB: So you can grade me on my achievement here. So we have the word, “maintain,” eight letters. It’s an acronym, as you’ve said, eight different strategies. The first is mindset, followed by action, being intentional, nurture, tenacity, authenticity, integrity and non-negotiables. How about that?
0:34:36.7 DB: Awesome. That’s great. One hundred.
0:34:39.0 WB: Wow. Wow, wow. Well, if you don’t mind, let’s dive into each one of those a little bit and just unpack what it is that you’re talking about as a strategy for each one of those.
0:34:54.1 DB: Okay. Well, like you said, the first one is going to be mindset. Our mindset is so important. Whatever you tell yourself, that’s what you’re gonna believe. So whatever you give power and focus on the most, that is what’s going to continue to grow. So if you’re going to pour in negativity, “Oh, I can’t do this. There is no way this is going to happen.” What do you expect the outcome would be? But even if you fall down, if you believe, “Okay, what can I learn from that? That was just one step. There’s no straight path to success. I can turn here and try an alternative.” So when I talk about mindset, it’s making sure that you have a positive mindset. Yes, I agree with the positive affirmations, but you must have a growth mindset. We can’t have the fixed mindset where, this is the way we’ve been doing it. Being a young supervisor, I heard that time and time again when I’d go into the workplaces, “We’ve been doing this for 20 years and who are you to come in here and change this?” Well, we have to have a growth mindset. We want everyone to grow in this environment. And you wanna see growth in your life, so your mindset is important. The next one is A for action. You must…
0:36:06.5 WB: And just before we jump into that, if you don’t mind, Dr. Bradford, if I can just explore that. You mentioned positive and growth mindset. And I think many of the listeners probably heard of Carol Dweck and her book, Mindset, et cetera. I’m wondering, are there tools and techniques that… You mentioned positive affirmations. Are there other tools and techniques that you use in being able to cultivate this positive mindset, this growth mindset? How do you go about it? It’s one thing to talk about it, but how do you actually implement it?
0:36:45.0 DB: Well, you’re gonna have to make sure that… There are different mindful ways that’s out there. I know Terri Maxwell, she’s with Shift/Co, and she talks about the importance of taking deep breaths, making sure that you learn how to flick the switch in your brain until you have to envision yourself where you’re saying you wanna be. So it’s not just saying, “I’m gonna be this powerful business owner,” and then you go home and you go to sleep and say, “Okay, I’m ready, it didn’t happen.” But you’re gonna not only have the steps, but you have to take the time to be free. You’re gonna have to take the time to journal and set up plans. You’re gonna have to mentally flip that switch in your mind and you have to envision yourself walking in your truth. So your mind is a powerful weapon that we have, but we have to use it in a positive manner.
0:37:36.4 WB: All right, thank you for that. And sorry for cutting you off before.
0:37:39.8 DB: Oh, you’re fine. [chuckle]
0:37:41.1 WB: So, please jump onto the second one, the action, and we’ll talk about that.
0:37:47.0 DB: Okay. Action is very important. Again, it’s a part of mindset as we just talked about, but you must take action. I cannot sit here and say, “You know what? I’ve enjoyed this conversation, now I’m gonna go to my car and never move.” I just sit here. You must take one step. Each and every step will get you closer to your destination, to your car. And that’s the same thing in life. You can’t sit here and say, “You know what? I want a new job. I’m tired of the way that I’m being treated here,” and think it’s just gonna fall out of the sky and you’re going to get it. You must take action steps in whatever goal you set for yourself. So just set up a plan, and you may say, “You know what? I’m gonna do two things every day to get me closer to my goal.” It does not have to be major things. I’m not saying go out and say, “I need to take out a $500,000 loan.” Not major, but, “I’m gonna start journaling.” Or if it’s, “I wanna be a medical doctor,” “I’m gonna start doing more research on something that I’m interested in.” “I’m gonna start visiting people that’s doing the job that I’m interested in.” There are several steps that you can take, but at least commit to saying, “I’m gonna do at least two things every single day to get me closer to my goal.”
0:39:04.1 WB: And I guess you build momentum in your process. You start small and before you know it, you’re off and running type of thing. I’m trying to recall a quote, I think it was by Picasso, Pablo Picasso. It’s something like, and I’m paraphrasing so don’t shoot me if I’m not 100% correct. I think it’s something like, “Action is the foundational key to all success.” And for me, that resonates so nicely to what you’re saying. So, yeah, I’m on board with that. So, well, let’s keep going. Let’s jump on to number three, intentional.
0:39:39.9 DB: Intentional. You must be intentional with the life that you want, and that means you have to write a plan, write it down, you make it plain and you take steps towards it. But being intentional in our relationships, some of us may have relationships that may have gone south or didn’t end up the best way. We can be intentional in reconnecting with those individuals because it’s very important. Or if it’s a job that you want, you find individuals in that role, you’re going to be intentional in seeking them out, maybe ask them to be a mentor to help you. But you must be intentional for the items or the things that you desire.
0:40:21.4 WB: Very good. My educational mind is kicking in while you’re talking. I’m having all these flashbacks, so I was thinking of Dr. Dyer, Wayne Dyer. One of his books was called The Power of Intention. He speaks a lot about what you just mentioned, so I’m fully aligned with what you’re talking about. The fourth one, I find very interesting. I believe this is an area that we probably don’t… And I’m being very generalist here, but I think we don’t nurture situations very well. So maybe if you could speak to that.
0:40:56.0 DB: The love and the care is very important. And I’m not saying that all of us have, but it’s in the world… You see it all over social media. People are so angry now. We don’t have the patience and the love that we used to have for one another. And so we have to bring back that love and nurturing the relationships that we have with our fellow mankind. And also, nurturing yourself. So many of us, especially we talk about our teachers, and I know that… Like you talked about at the beginning, our parents are like, “Yes, it’s time for school to be back and we’re ready for our children to get there,” but then we have to also support our teachers, because sometimes, and I know parents might not wanna hear this, but our lovely angels that you have at home, that you truly know how they are, are not always those amazing angels at school. So when the teachers share information with you, try to be open-minded, try to support those teachers, because they have a very difficult job to try to educate and nurture some of our students. So nurturing is important, loving on yourself. And we do do for others, but take that time. If it’s putting on your favorite podcast as you drive home from work, or before getting out of the car, “I’m gonna sit here for about five minutes.”
0:42:17.0 DB: I’m gonna de-stress, I’m gonna listen to my favorite song so I can now go in into my home.” Or if it’s at home, set aside the last 45 minutes of the evening, “Everyone’s gonna have quiet time to themselves.” Not only are you teaching your children or other individuals in your family the importance of self and loving yourself and setting aside that time, but you’re taking care of yourself. So we’ve all heard you can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure your cup is filled because you’re taking time to take care of your needs.
0:42:51.9 WB: Yeah. Great advice, actually. There’s so much discussion in not only the academic space, but also within social media at the moment around self-care and setting up the routines. I think things like meditation, mindfulness practices, these are all part of this equation of self-nurturing and taking out time. I agree, it’s extremely important. Tenacity.
0:43:18.0 DB: Yes. We must be tenacious. We must be bold. We have to go after what we want, instead of being timid in life. You only get one shot. And I was watching a documentary recently, and the young lady said one thing her dad always told her is to live full and die empty. And so, all of the things that you’ve always wanted to pursue; that friendship you wanted to have, that individual you wanted to ask out on a date, or that company you wanted to start. It’s really okay to be bold, to be fierce, and to pursue what you enjoy. If you fail, you fail forward because you’re gonna learn from it. So instead of us always thinking failure is a negative thing, it is not. There are so many amazing individuals that have created companies that our country wouldn’t be in the place that it is today if they wouldn’t have designed it, but they failed so many times before. So you have to continue to get up, you have to push through, and you have to know that it won’t always be this way. So I’m going to be tenacious, I’m gonna live life to the fullest, and I’m gonna go after what I deserve.
0:44:28.3 WB: There’s some great examples out there. Nelson Mandela was one that comes to mind. I know Angela Duckworth has written the book on Grit. You’re talking a lot of these types of things, I guess, resilience, all of these factors within this concept of tenacity. The only comment I would make is a lot of people would like to be more tenacious, but they struggle with finding the ways of doing it. When you are talking with your clients on that, do you have examples that you use for them on what they can do? How can they become more tenacious?
0:45:14.6 DB: Well, you have to… Number one, we go over different strategies, finding out what’s important to you. And so after they share with me, “Well, I’ve always wanted to open a store,” or “I’ve always wanted to paint.” “I always wanted to tap dance.” And so then, after every session, I’m going to give you some homework and we’re gonna set a goal, and I’m gonna follow up with you. So if it’s, you said you always wanted to learn tap dance or start a company, I need for you to do at least these three following things you’re gonna research. One is going to be where you research. The other one is where you’re going to take some type of action. And then, the other one is where you’re going to apply those skills to your life. And we’re going to build upon all of those so you can become tenacious. I’ve always wanted to be a race car driver. I’ve always wanted to swim. When I was little, my mom took me to swimming lessons. My friends received a shark, and I received a turtle, and I was upset, like, I’m not a turtle. I wanna be a shark. So I’m gonna be 50 this year and so I’m thinking, I’m going to go back out there and I’m gonna take on swimming lessons. But it takes small steps.
0:46:24.4 DB: So I may visit a swimming class to see what it looks like. I may try on my swimsuit and go into the shallow part a little bit, but I have to get used to going into the deep waters, which takes a lot of courage. But it just takes one step; enrolling in the class, taking those baby steps, and eventually I will be able to learn how to swim. So I just challenge people where they are and we start from that point to get them to become more tenacious.
0:46:51.9 WB: Right. Yeah. Great advice. The next one, we’re up to the “a” in maintain, so authentic. But one of the questions that came to mind as I looked at the strategies was, on the one hand, we’re talking about being authentic. If I look down the list of the ones we’ve already covered, some people may say, “Well, if I’m authentic, I can’t do the others.” Is it an either or? Is it a paradox or what is the definition behind authentic? And like tenacity, some people may not have that as a characteristic and therefore they may feel like they’re forcing it, and that’s being unauthentic or non-authentic to themself. I don’t know if that question…
0:47:44.1 DB: Yeah. Well, I think it can be tweaked to apply to anyone. When you’re authentic, it’s what you believe for yourself. And that’s the greatest part of all of this, with Maintain the Flame. The world has already told us too many times, “You need to look this type of way. You need to talk this way. You need to dress this way.” You have the freedom to decide what makes you feel authentic. And when it comes to being tenacious about everything, you may not have to. It comes in all forms and fashion. When I was little, I’d go to the store with my siblings and my older sister would be, “Nicole, stop.” Well, I loved gymnastics so much, so I’m turning cartwheels in the store. I’ve always been different. To someone else, that may…
0:48:27.6 WB: I have a daughter just like that.
0:48:30.7 DB: Yeah, see? [chuckle] Lots of energy. But to someone else, that may look different. But being tenacious for them may be speaking to someone new they’ve never spoke to before. That made me… For them, took a lot of courage. It took them to be bold, just to say “hello” and introduce their self, because they have personal fears. And so only you can determine what your true authentic self is. You know what you love, you know what you desire. The most important part is don’t allow other people to tell you who you should be in your workplace, in your relationships, and in your life. This is your life. You have the control to design it. And so your authenticity is for you to come up with.
0:49:16.3 DB: And for me, it’s, “Nicole, if you’re blending in, something’s wrong.” I’ve always been that way. My mom would always tell me, “I don’t know what’s wrong with you,” but if I’m doing what other people are doing, I don’t wanna do it. And so, there’s a story. I was in college and a lot of people don’t believe this, but I had my first year in college and I was already terrified because no one in my family had graduated college. And so I didn’t want to not make it. I didn’t wanna be a failure. And so I was terrified of anything. Unfortunately, I had people in my family that was involved with drugs, alcohol, the criminal justice system. I didn’t want to have that in my life.
0:49:57.6 DB: And so I went off campus to what I thought was going to be a small get together, and these individuals are smoking herbs. And I’m like, “This is not for me,” because I knew who Nicole was and I immediately ran out and I called my mom and I was like, “I need a ride back to campus.” And she was like, “What happened?” I was like, “They’re doing stuff… I don’t want any part of this.” And so, everyone is different. People may call you square or goofy or what have you, but I knew for me, that was not okay for me and where I was trying to go. And so, I needed to have the courage to say, “I’m sorry. I don’t feel comfortable here. I’m gonna remove myself.” And I did that because I knew how important it was for Nicole to be authentic for myself.
0:50:47.0 WB: Right. Which is a nice lead into the seventh one, which is integrity.
0:50:52.1 DB: Integrity. And I think that’s huge. We all know the importance of integrity, just holding onto our morals and our values. Unfortunately, that’s kind of something that we’re missing in our world today. And so just standing on your beliefs, having your integrity to know that this is what I believe in and this is what I’m going to stand for, and it ties greatly into My Soul Is Not For Sale.
0:51:17.7 WB: I can imagine. And the final one is non-negotiables. Now, this comes full circle back to our talk about setting boundaries, I guess.
0:51:24.4 DB: That’s right. Non-negotiables is nothing more than healthy boundaries. I’m not saying we don’t compromise. You have to compromise. We all do. But you have to decide what is important for you, and, “This is a line that I’m not willing to cross.”
0:51:40.9 WB: You haven’t written a book around these strategies yet, right? So I’m guessing that might be book number three.
0:51:47.1 DB: That will be book number three. You’re right. Yes.
0:51:51.1 WB: Oh, very nice. Where can people go and follow what you’re doing, find more about everything you are up to during the day?
0:51:58.6 DB: Well, they can always go to my website. It’s www.maintaintheflame.net. And I’m also on Instagram, and that is also maintaintheflame, and on Facebook. And so, the book is available on Barnes & Noble, as well as Amazon and all major retail.
0:52:20.4 WB: Really appreciate the opportunity to chat with you today and learn about some of the great things that you’ve been doing and continue to do. So, thank you for being a wonderful guest on the ET Project.
0:52:32.3 DB: Oh, well, thank you so much for the opportunity. I truly enjoyed it.
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0:52:38.9 S2: Thank you for joining us on the ET Project, a show for executive talent development. Until next time, check out our site for free videos, eBooks, webinars and blogs at coaching4companies.com.
